You may say I'm a dreamer But I'm not the only one,

As of always, when I don't have to get up before 4am I tend to stay awake way too late. My head is full of stuff I need to do and my heart is full of all different feelings. Don't really know where to put it all. Can't really concentrate on writing, cause someone has walked right into my brain. I'm really like J.D from Scrubs at the moment. In the middle of something I turn my head slightly up to my right and dream away. Not that my daydreaming is anything close to J.D's. But still, disturbing.

Trying to focus on my writing and I get this perfect sentence, with a perfect ending or a perfect punchline, and seconds later, it's all gone, and it's not coming back..Not that I'm loosing all texts or words. But the perfectness. And here's the punchline. I'm going for perfect. Not just being good. I have to make this perfect.

And my mind drift away again. Writing down something that has nothing, what so ever, to do with what I'm actually writing. Basically, I'm writing four different things at the same time. And neither one of them are perfect.

And all the things that can distract me. Is in fact, distracting me. My cat snoring. The tingling in my foot cause it fell asleep, oh a notification on Facebook, how do I write this in correct English, how do I spell this word, why do I even do this in English, it would be easier in Swedish. The sound from my keyboard when I press the keys. And you!. It's all because of you. There will be no notifications from you. Not on Facebook not even in real life. Not even.. well, never.

And the fact that I'm not sleeping much. I'm tired as hell, but I can't sleep. The only time I'm able too sleep is when I get home after 4am. After 8 hours of work and 5 hours of completely sweaty dancing. But yet of course, then I still don't get loads of sleep, cause there is always something else that I have to wake up too.

Please, don't get me wrong. I love my life. I really do. I love everything I do, otherwise I wouldn't do it. But, there is always a but, if I'm not capable of writing, everything else follows behind.

And I will always have another story that need to be written. And to be read.

You drive me crazy

And yet again, it's in the middle of the night. I'm still awake even if I just slept 1½ hours last night, and been awake since 3.30am. Yesterday was a day of joy. Finally. And a day of inspiration. You know those people that just makes you feel good. They just smile at you and the whole world turns into a giant discoball. Thats what you do to me.

Regardless, I came home really late yesterday and despite that I managed to write a stand up-script. And Im pretty satisfied with it..  Believe it or not.. I can't believe it so why should you? I guess I shouldn't read it too much,  cause it will end with me being stupid and erasing it all..  Won't do it thou. Cause I did promise. I did promise that I would book it..  I guess I have to fake it til I make it..


If you didn't knew it already, I'm a dreamer.. And the dreamer in me has a bigger ego than I. So, my head fights with itself.  It goes something like this.

Dreamer: Oh I'm gonna blow them away
Me: Really? with this shit?
Dreamer: Yes, yes, yes. This is awesome. They're gonna throw themselves at your feet.
Me: Ha! Only because they can't take it. They are passing out of boredom..
Dreamer: Aah. The world will, NO, it shall obey you.
Me: Fuck off

And it goes on, and on, and on, and on!

So,I have to face the fact. If I don't do this soon - I will go crazy!


Oh I'm loving it!

Trying not to fall in love.

Here's the deal. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna book it and I'm gonna make it. I just have to save up some guts and then: just do it.


Don't know what I'm taking about? Me neither.


I'm just kidding. But that's what this is about. I'm going to do stand up. You know, like a comedian.
Here's the deal. I'm not funny. Well, that's what's going on in my mind. Been trying to write down something funny for about a week now, but nothing. It's not even worth a smile.

Here I am, in the middle of the night, trying to figure out if I'm funny. No. I'm trying to figure out what kind om comedian I want to be. And I don't know. What I do know is, that everything I say will be true. I don't want to offend anyone. It will be in English every time. And I want to believe in it myself and in myself.

I did a stand up earlier this spring, while the snow kept falling and we all thought that winter never would leave. Now, when spring turned into summer in less than an hour and we all enjoys the sun, it feels like years ago. To encourage myself I read my drafted script over and over aging while I let my last drops of soda trickle down my throat..

"Your second thought is a bad joke. A really bad one: What do frogs drink? - Redbull. Redbull. [...] And they are not laughing"

It is funny. My first stand up-script is funny. Re-use. Re-do. Just do it. Do it.



You might just wonder why I suddenly started to write in English, since I haven't done that before? One of the reasons is actually because of my stand up. I'm doing my stand up in English, and to write in English, I have to think in English. Easiest way. Start writing in English. Piece of cake.

Speaking of cake, "There was two cupcakes in an oven. One of them says: Oh my good, it's so hot in here".. and the end of that joke..

Come see me when I'm doing stand up the next time!

If you don't know, I'm in love with you.

I have something to tell you. Just like the Lithuania guy during Eurovision Song Contest last weekend. 

You will never know..

But I will write you a story. A story about one adorable person. Amazing, beautiful and breathtaking. I want you to see the beauty she gives.

When she smiles, when she thinks no one is looking, it's like a touch from an angels wing. Like a glimpse of a paradise that only she can promise you. When her eyes catches yours, if only for a second, your heart stops beating and you hold your breath, just to preserve the moment forever.

I'm standing there, watching you. Too shy to catch your eye and dazzle you with my smile. Too shy to even try to show you how I feel. Too shy to tell you.

I'm standing here. Time goes by. Life goes by. Love goes by. You're turning away. I'm waiting. You're laughing. I follow your movement in the corner of my eye.

I'm here. Watching you walk away. Like a queen. Gracefully. Your head is held high. Your steps are firm. You know who you are and no one can tell you differently.

I'm standing there, watching you. She catches my eye and I'm looking away.


But I have to tell you something.
If you don't know, I'm in love with you.